[ Freddie doesn't remember the last time someone's made a point of asking about his wellbeing. Some of his buddies who were still in the Air Force had reached out after a few months to see what he'd gone and done afterwards, whether he'd become a corporate pilot like he said he was going to do when he got out, and he's stayed in touch over Facebook—but nobody's ever DMed him and asked if he's okay.
This isn't exactly a DM, either; it's something more intimate, a familiar voice, a gentle tug of the connection between them everyone here calls a tether. He appreciates it, even if he's caught off-guard, maybe even momentarily a little overwhelmed by the closeness. ]
Yeah. I am. Thanks.
[ As much as he can be. He hasn't stopped making himself throw up, and there's still blood. But he's trying, harder than he ever has, for Sharon and Arthur if not himself. He doesn't want them to have to bury him. And he doesn't want to do that to Toki, either.
He has friends here, in a way he hasn't since he got out. People who would grieve him. ]
[It's definitely a relief to hear. He knows the dream had been pretty intense for a lot of people for a lot of reasons.
He's almost surprised to hear the question reciprocated. Silly thing to be surprised about, but there he goes.]
It's fine. I'm fine! I...
[He trails off. Sure, there were those bad memories, there was that monster thing, and there was that tiny particularly painful fact that one of his tethers had been cut, but one thing about Toki is how he always manages to bounce back.]
[ There's a lot that goes unsaid there, and Freddie, all but fresh out of the military, presses him to elaborate on none of it. Toki doesn't have to—so much of their grief and stress was conveyed in the silent space between each other as they sat side-by-side in Iraq, in Syria. It was their own version of a tether, maintained simply by being present.
And, though he's able to have deeper conversations about these things if feelings are offered up, in this situation, simple, unquestioning presence is the best way Freddie knows to offer comfort and reassurance in turn: to simply exist as a shoulder to lean on, should Toki so choose. ]
Have you been up to much? The apartment's looking sparse. I need to build something before I lose my mind.
[It's nice to have someone there when he can't really put the words together, even without a language barrier as an excuse. He's always been something of the most... vulnerable of the people he knows, but feelings just aren't metal.
It's nice when he doesn't have to contend with that, though.]
I feel you. I've been making, uh... a chair. A really big one. There's all these bears here that got kind of fucked up, so I started putting them together...
[He trails off. It sounds a lot weirder when he actually talks about it.]
[ What the fuck? ...Well, he's creative. And European. Freddie supposes he can't judge. ]
You're going to have to elaborate, because you have to know I'm now imagining, like, a horrible Elephant's Foot made out of Beanie Babies, and I really don't want to go to sleep thinking about that tonight.
[ Pretty avant-garde. Probably the kind of thing that some millionaire on the Upper East Side spends like a hundred thousand dollars to have in their home so that the other millionaires can recognize who designed the chair and form their opinions of the owner around that. Good on Toki for getting in on the ground level, he supposes. Guy has to spend his free time somehow. ]
I can't say what I've been making is that useful. I've mostly been trying to pick up what I can where I can to get back to making models. Haven't found any glue, though.
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This isn't exactly a DM, either; it's something more intimate, a familiar voice, a gentle tug of the connection between them everyone here calls a tether. He appreciates it, even if he's caught off-guard, maybe even momentarily a little overwhelmed by the closeness. ]
Yeah. I am. Thanks.
[ As much as he can be. He hasn't stopped making himself throw up, and there's still blood. But he's trying, harder than he ever has, for Sharon and Arthur if not himself. He doesn't want them to have to bury him. And he doesn't want to do that to Toki, either.
He has friends here, in a way he hasn't since he got out. People who would grieve him. ]
What about you? I'm sorry I didn't ask earlier.
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He's almost surprised to hear the question reciprocated. Silly thing to be surprised about, but there he goes.]
It's fine. I'm fine! I...
[He trails off. Sure, there were those bad memories, there was that monster thing, and there was that tiny particularly painful fact that one of his tethers had been cut, but one thing about Toki is how he always manages to bounce back.]
That was a really fucked up dream.
[Best way to encompass everything, really.]
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And, though he's able to have deeper conversations about these things if feelings are offered up, in this situation, simple, unquestioning presence is the best way Freddie knows to offer comfort and reassurance in turn: to simply exist as a shoulder to lean on, should Toki so choose. ]
Have you been up to much? The apartment's looking sparse. I need to build something before I lose my mind.
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It's nice when he doesn't have to contend with that, though.]
I feel you. I've been making, uh... a chair. A really big one. There's all these bears here that got kind of fucked up, so I started putting them together...
[He trails off. It sounds a lot weirder when he actually talks about it.]
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You're going to have to elaborate, because you have to know I'm now imagining, like, a horrible Elephant's Foot made out of Beanie Babies, and I really don't want to go to sleep thinking about that tonight.
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[But then he thinks about how many different kinds of chairs there are, so he has to figure out how to specify.]
Like... a throne, I guess. It's gonna be really big when I'm done.
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[ Pretty avant-garde. Probably the kind of thing that some millionaire on the Upper East Side spends like a hundred thousand dollars to have in their home so that the other millionaires can recognize who designed the chair and form their opinions of the owner around that. Good on Toki for getting in on the ground level, he supposes. Guy has to spend his free time somehow. ]
I can't say what I've been making is that useful. I've mostly been trying to pick up what I can where I can to get back to making models. Haven't found any glue, though.
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[The more he questions it... the more he questions it. What's his angle here?
Oh well. He's happy to just talk crafts and models and everything else that he doesn't have to question so much instead.]
Oh, I found some glue! You can have some if you want.
[He's always happy to share his finds, especially with people he shares hobbies with.]
Got a couple different kinds at a craft store... I guess people don't take as much stuff out of those as places with medicine and stuff.